Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Cretin Stompers Are Looking Forward To Being Attacked

Beginning as a long distance collaboration between past members of Barbaras, Magic Kids, Boston Chinks, Alex Gates and Billy Hayes, and the mysterious Big Muff Radio the Cretin Stompers eventually came together in various pieces and parts to make their album Looking Forward To Being Attacked. Apparently, recorded in each members garage and slapped together with masking tape, Looking Forward To Being Attacked is a primitive stomp through pseudo psychedelic garage rock. It's raw, rough, and totally underproduced but that's what makes the Cretin Stompers so stomptastic.

Musically, this band is amazing. Chugging riffs, bashed drums, lo-fi aesthetics and a sense of the impending apocalypse fuel every song. It's speedy, sloppy, and totally rock and roll. If this record was nothing but two minute rock and roll instrumentals it would be a garage rock masterpiece but someone out of the 350 members that apparently make up this band decided that it would be a good idea to include vocals on this record. And while some of the vocals fit the songs, an overwhelming falsetto bleeds itself over the majority of Looking Forward To Being Attacked . It is absolutely annoying to the point of distraction; it's so weird, so high, and so off key that it overpowers every song it appears on making it difficult to tolerate the record as a whole. It truly is unfortunate because when these guys chug away and add vocals that fit the songs the Cretin Stompers are fantastic...but the second you hear that wailing din you want to reach for earplugs.

Looking Forward To Being Attacked has a ton of potential as a simplistic and raw rock and roll record, unfortunately the vocals that overpower some of the songs that appear here squash that potential and make it nearly un-listenable. For those of you with high tolerance levels or are unable hear high pitched noises, in the dog whistle range, you'll find some good songs worthy of listening to. Outside of that, it should be noted that putting what sounds like a four year old singing on top of your songs is probably not a good idea. Just saying.

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